The following letter to God was written in 1997. Be sure and read the rest of the story found in the last paragraphs of this document (written in 2004 and 2007).
Dear Heavenly Father,
Yes Lord, I know I have no right to ask you “why,” but I am beyond that. For years I would say that one should only ask you “What” you were going to do as a result of something bad, and never ask you, the Omnipotent God, “Why” you caused it.
You tell me that you are a loving God, and you even have told me that you are Love. I have remembered, many times, that you have said that you love me greater than an earthly father loves his own son. I know how much I love my children and I would not let two doctors tell them that their prognosis was suicide nor would I let them suffer nights on end when I knew that their screams of pain were muffled in a pillow? Why should I only find some relief in over 260 milligrams of time release morphine each day? How could I live if I thought for a minute that I could make a difference in my child's peace of mind or help him in his pain? You a loving God, have turned your back on me. I do have a right to ask “why.”
You know I have confessed every sin that I have even thought about committing and how many times have I claimed nearly every one of your promises? Godly people have anointed me with oil many, many times. I also know well the story of your deep love for Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, and how you turned your back on them for at least four days. Of course, I know it was for a greater good that of raising Lazarus from the dead. But my Father that no longer helps me. Father I know you turned your back on your on son and allowed Him to cry out to you, “Why have you forsaken me?” I understand that this was done for a greater good, that of providing all of mankind the opportunity of salvation. For me to even mention my Saviors experience in the same letter is presumptive however Father I am trying to understand “why.”
Your Word has taught me that my reward will be in heaven and not here on earth. God I truly do not expect a reward on earth. I have asked for one thing and one thing only, to again know your “Peace of God that passeth all human understanding.”
To me, that encompasses the essence of the Christian life. Why is that too much to ask of a loving God?
Lord, it has been astonishing to hear so many Godly people say, “You must feel like Job.” Your Bible has told me that all of my righteousness is as filthy rags, yet Job was a righteous man in his own right. My righteousness is solely because of my position in Christ and because of his shed Blood. So what consoling value is there for me in the book of Job?
Paul said he would rather glory in his infirmities because he was made strong in so doing. I am not Paul, however, for years you allowed me to see the truth in this statement. I, like Paul believed, that “I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.” For more than seven years, rarely have I seen the reality of this promise.
This same man of God also tells me to “always give thanks for all things.” I know that this verse means exactly what it says. The word “all” means nothing less. So of course, God, I have thanked you for things that have destroyed me, hurt the ones I love and in my finite mind seem to be harmful to the ongoing of your kingdom. Do I have a right to look for logic or do I have the right to ask you why?
God, do I have any right to ask for you to show me your love? Why have you not honored your Word? There are so many of your promises that I have claimed after fulfilling the accompanying conditions. Father, is it really true that, ”everything works together for good to those who are loving God and are called according to His purposes?” Why should you not keep all of your promises if I am obedient?
I have stored up my treasure in heaven instead of here on earth. God, when you saved me you placed in me a love for you that transformed my life. You gave me all the things the world says a person needs to have for happiness.
You gave me a lovely Christian wife, 11 corporations from Maine to Florida to California and over 500 employees, a 15,656 acre ranch, private airplanes, and a corporation that I saw become the largest of its type in the United States. That you blessed me financially is an understatement. Then you led me to give it all away.
God, when you caused me to be voted Layman of The Year for 41 churches, you made it very clear to me that I was not recognized for my love for you or my Godliness but because I knew how to get things accomplished. You gave me fame and fortune and then showed me that there was something missing. There was more to the Christian life than the “do’s” and “don'ts.”
You humbled me as you revealed how much I loved the things of the world. My heart was broken as I was made to realize how much you loved me and how little love I had for you. Why did you teach me so great a lesson about your love, only to remove it in my later years?
After you taught me this lesson, it became very evident that I could no longer serve two masters. You had given me a wife with a kindred spirit, who willingly followed me as I literally was led by you to walk away from a life of luxury and a future of even greater wealth. You placed us in Costa Rica to sleep on the floor for two months, to do without a stove or a refrigerator for weeks and all of this with four small children.
You taught us to never feel like we had sacrificed or given up anything because our lives were in the center of your will.
You caused me to be arrested and thrown in jail for preaching on the street. You let us endure all kinds of hardships, and to experience the all-out attack of Satan and his demonic host. Never once did we look back, for you were a loving and caring God and being in the center of your will was the most blessed place on this earth.
We experienced over and over again the reality of your promise that if we asked for bread, You would not give us a stone. You were the God of the Old and the New Testament and you were intimately involved in our lives.
From a poor little rich boy you changed me into a rich little poor boy. You performed miracle after miracle. One of these miracles was providing us an ”upper room” in the middle of the red light district and main market of the country where over 30,000 people walked in front of our building every day. You burdened our hearts to begin reaching out to these thousands, many of which had open running sores, others were prostitutes, alcoholics, drug addicts and all were people with absolutely no hope.
You put us where there were 113 houses of prostitution within a block-and-a-half radius of our building. You allowed our hearts to be broken by seeing more than a hundred girls between the age of 8 and 12 living a life of no hope. Yet to us you were a great and loving God because you had sent us to reveal your love to the unlovable. We counted it a privilege to be used by you to reach literally thousands with your love. As I look back I can see just how great a work you did in the ministry you gave us. There were less than 14,000 evangelicals in the country when we arrived yet in our first two years you used us to see 5,000 cry out to be saved. You were truly a great God to serve.
Do you owe me anything? Do I have the right to say yes? Monetarily, you owe me nothing even though you have left us almost destitute and on food stamps. Physically, you owe me nothing because I know my life was purchased at Calvary. God do you owe me anything? I believe you do. What do you owe me? You owe me the continual knowledge of your presence and your love that I once knew.
Return unto me the joy of my salvation and the sweetness of the relationship that I have known. I only desire to know you, which is not something unreasonable. My heartbeat is only to know you.
God I no longer ask you to heal me, remove my pain, or make our lives easier. Just keep your word. You have promised you would never leave me or forsake me. What have you done? You have said,”We have not because we ask not.” God, if you love me more than I love my children why do I have to beg you to know your love and your peace. WHY, OH MY GREAT GOD, WHY?
Your Son Because of CHRIST, Charles.
April 2004 - EPILOGUE:
More than seven years later GOD answered the prayer found in the above letter. He has allowed me to again know HIS sweet presence and HIS peace.
How did this happen?
When I was diagnosed with another painful disease and there was no hope of my pain diminishing, I contemplated going on to be with the Lord. My children saw my condition and decided to fly me back to Costa Rica, to the land and people that we loved.
My physical condition and the extreme difficulty of me making such a long airplane flight made this seem like an impossibility. However GOD from the beginning was in control of the plan and I ended up in San Jose, Costa Rica on Easter Sunday.
That Sunday morning my great God allowed me to preach a message too many of my pastor sons in the LORD and too many believers who had accepted the LORD 30 to 35 years before in our Upper Room.
HE revealed to me that despite my physical limitations of having to sit in a chair to preach HE still could use me to glorify HIMSELF.
After preaching in two different churches that Sunday , I returned to where I was staying in horrible pain. I could not sleep and around two o’clock in the morning, while praying, the lord very clearly showed me what had kept me from having His peace and kept me from being used of Him as I had desired.
Lying there I recalled the faces of the many sons in the Lord who had come up on the platform to lay their hands on me and pray for my healing. Memories flooded my mind of these men who meant so much to me. God brought to my mind one very important thing I had repeated over and over again to my sons in the Lord. “The first thing the Lord will ask you when you get to heaven is ‘What did you do with the gift I gave you‘.”
Immediately my Lord convicted me that I was guilty of one sin and that was not using the gift of faith that He had given me. I cried out to Him to again show me how to use the faith that He had given me. After this my complete outlook on the life that I have remaining on this earth changed.
April 2007 - THE BEGINNING:
GOD answered the prayer found in the above letter and has allowed me to again know HIS sweet presence, HIS peace, and now, once again, His calling on my life.
Over the past two years, He has used me to preach numerous times in Latin America and in the United States.
After two major surgeries He has removed some of my pain and I can walk distances with only limited pain.
He has given me a ministry to teach pastors how to pray. In the year 2007, my hope is to teach/share 17 seminars in the major cities of Latin America. These times with pastors are to encourage them to begin to pray and pray as Christ taught His disciples to pray.
To the readers of this letter, let me tell you we serve a great God. He is the God of love, for He is love.
He never stopped loving me, even through all the pain and all the times I cried out to Him. He was always there and in His time and in his way, He was waiting to bless me.
My pain is still there but the life I now live, I live by the faith He has given me.
March 2009, The Blessing
Our God is truly a great God. Because of His love, in the last nearly 3 years, He has used me to speak to more than 100,000 pastors and leaders and preach in more than 134 churches throughout Latin America.
As I look back on the 11 years of pain and suffering I can see clearly through this time of brokenness that God was preparing me to be used in a special way. Today, living constantly with a five level pain, I am continually reminded of my need to be totally dependent upon my Lord. Often it requires a major effort to climb the stairs of a platform to preach and then have several men help me down, each time this occurs it reminds me that I truly "can do all things through my Christ Jesus who strengthens me."
Never did I think the day would come when I would thank the Lord for all those years of pain. Today I am grateful to God for what He taught me. Like the apostle Paul I can say "I will rather glory in my weakness for then I am made strong."
April 2015, The Continuing Blessing
The ministry that God gave me beginning in January 2007 continues to be used of Him in glorious ways. Several years ago we stopped counting how many pastors and leaders we had taught the importance of prayer, of living lives holy acceptable unto the Lord, and the message of revival. We know that we have traveled more than 500,000 miles and have taught more than 250,000 in the period of 2007 through 2015. Despite quadruple heart bypass and the present need for two surgeries (my cardiologist states “risk to great”) God continues to use us for His glory. Pain levels never below 5 and often much higher. Both Judy and I at 76 continue to be amazed at how God uses us for His glory.
Charles B. Moore [an error occurred while processing this directive] [an error occurred while processing this directive] [an error occurred while processing this directive] [an error occurred while processing this directive] Click here to e-mail Charles Moore your opinions, questions or comments [an error occurred while processing this directive]